Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
