Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize