Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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