Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This baby is an asshole
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
