I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
