My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
this hospital has no fireball
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
