Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
