your parents love me but you hate me
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
