i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
