The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize