Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize