Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
