I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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