this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
