I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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