What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
