Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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