Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
