im six kinds of drunk right now
you have to choose: penises or morals?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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