in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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