So drunk its hurt
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize