clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She's not a foreskin expert like you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
