yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
