I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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