I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
