So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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