I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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