she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Randomize