why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
