Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
