Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
