You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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