She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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