And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
