You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
