i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize