i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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