Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
