Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize