she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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