The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
