He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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