We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We need a shit load of segways right now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
