she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
