at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
