I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
