Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize