just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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