oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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