I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
