weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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