I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
