dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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