Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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