Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
