Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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