I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
