Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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