he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
