sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
