I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
