Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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