my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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