My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
