i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
