I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
