I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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