I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
sex in a hospital.. check
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
