I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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