I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
