so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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