dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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